Copyright © Everyday Essay

I have reflected many times upon our rigid search. It has shown me that everything is illuminated in the light of the past. It is always along the side of us, on the inside, looking out. Like you say, inside out. Jonathan, in this way, I will always be along the side of your life. And you will always be along the side of mine.

Everything is Illuminated (2005)

Nobody said that life has to be fair.

Kat, Nothing Lasts Forever (Sidney Sheldon)

#17 of 30 Day Challenge.

I am currently in a battle of choosing which story should I’d be posting. I have two in mind right now but I think I’ll be sharing just one.

Okay, I cherish a lot of memories but I think this one’s my favorite:

There’s no clue or even a small hint of what is behind this picture, it just says UP Diliman Campus. (Pardon me for the next paragraphs for I’ll be speaking between the lines)

March 20, 2010 at UP Diliman, Campus. Part of me died and then I was born again. I was totally doomed and I am just pretending that I am okay. It was the second time and very unforgivable.

We watched a play entitled, “Ang Huling Pahina”, in English, “The Last Page”. The title was just right for the atmosphere of that day. It complimented well with what was going on in that very moment. A question was ringing on my mind, “Is this really the last?” And for that instant, I just knew the answer.

I know very well that I, myself, was feeling very miserable in that moment.Yet I just don’t know why in spite of the sorrowfulness that I have, I feel calm inside. Perhaps it’s because of the tranquility of the place, the people I am with, or Him that is always beside me. No questions, it is He who is behind all these.

This maybe a bit odd of me giving a special attention to these heart-wrenching memory. But in that memory, I can always tell to myself that I am still here, I am still breathing, and I am very much alive.

And it is simply because I was born, surrounding His arms around me. :)

I am lost sometimes. It’s not the same air that I used to breathe. Not the same sky I used to see. Not the same clouds I used to stare at. Not the same stars that used to shine on me.

At some point, I used to love those things. But then again, there is nothing constant. Every once in a while, I’m missing the usual world. I tried connecting to the most uncommon ones with hopes of making to the odds behind. Yet, I still find me in the things I am accustomed with.

I can leave but I can’t detach from it. I am free but my pieces are there, scattered.

By Candy Zinampan
09.22.2011

Heto ako nakatulala sa puting kawalan
at kumikindat na linya,
Hinahalungkat ang utak
Pinakikiramdaman ang puso,
Baka sakaling ako’y may mahita

Ano ang pupuno sa blangkong espasyo?
O mas mainam siguro kung sino,
Hanggang ilang salita ba ang kailangan mo?
Pakisabi naman kung tungkol saan ito
Hanggang ilang talata ba ang gusto mo?
Maikling kuwento o nobela ba ito?
Hindi na ako magtatanong o magrereklamo
Basta ikaw at ako ang susulat ng istoryang ito

Hindi ako papatalo sa antok
Kahit ‘di na ako matulog
Magpalipas man ako ng gutom
Busog na ako sa mga pangungusap mo
Kahit saan pa tayo dalin nito
Sana palaging sabay tayo

Ano ang pupuno sa blangkong espasyo?
O mas mainam siguro kung sino,
Hanggang ilang salita ba ang kailangan mo?
Pakisabi naman kung tungkol saan ito
Hanggang ilang talata ba ang gusto mo?
Maikling kuwento o nobela ba ito?
Hindi na ako magtatanong o magrereklamo
Basta ikaw at ako ang susulat ng istoryang ito

Sa simula, ideya ay umaapaw
At unti-unting nawawala sa kalagitnaan
Hanggang sa maubos ang mga papel at pluma
At wala nang susunod na talata
Wala na bang natira sa isip mo?
Kung pwede sana subukan mo sa iyong puso?
‘Di ko naman pansin kung kuwit lang ang nakalagay,
Basta ‘wag lang ang mapait na tuldok
na nakamamatay.

Iniwanan mo ako ng isang tanong,
na hanggang ngayon nagtatapos pa rin
sa tandang pananong.

By Candy Zinampan

Expand your horizons, again and again, and discover that every limit is there to be transcended.

Ralph Marston

Today is the second Sunday of March and I’ve been 10 hours awake now doing, ah, nothing in particular rather nothing special. So I think it’s not really this hectic, just kidding.

The last few days I think was the busiest for this year because I have to finish some office stuff before its due dates, do some research on legal matters (which I don’t want to talk about, obviously) and browse the freaking internet for online jobs. It’s a bit frustrating and tiring because I have to think a lot. What I mean is, I’ve been thinking about all these things the whole effin’ time and right now, I am totally freaked out.

My mind is all over the place that I don’t know what will be the first thing to do. I guess I just need to organize my thoughts well and set aside those things that are very unnecessary and focus on the more important ones. I just told myself that I’ll be making this month more productive and efficient compare to the last two months that all I did was to slacked off. But, oh c’mon, a lot of distractions are surrounding me and it is so tempting. How I wish I have more motivations and inspirations to be able to fulfill these goals. (And now, I’m starting to freak out again!)

This is what happens when you don’t manage your time properly. Err. Regrets. Anyway, as I always say, it’s never too late but don’t take it for granted. (Makes sense? I hope so.)

From the irresponsibly responsible,
Candy Z.

Paghalimuyak ng mga Nakalipas

Anong kilabot ang nadarama sa tuwing maaamoy mo ang lahat ng mga alaala? Kilig, pagkasaya, pagkalungkot at paminsan-minsa’y ang pangungulila. Isang beses sa ating paglalakbay, dala ng hangin ang halimuyak at ang buong kapaligiran ay nagiging larawan na ng nakaraan. Unti-unti mang maglaho ang amoy subali’t ang alaala pa rin ay naroroon.

vivatregina:

KONY 2012. Watch it. It’s less than 30 minutes of your life. But then read this, too, and decide for yourself. And this. And, like the author of the second article I linked to says, don’t stop asking questions. The basic message, that Joseph Kony needs to be stopped, comes across clear, and well and good that this issue has found the publicity it needs, but it’s not without its flaws. (And what glaring flaws they are.)

Seriously, though, controversies aside, I wish we had something like this for all the problems the Philippines has that I (and so many others, I reckon) should know about.

(via saabmagalona)

“For what it’s worth, I know it’s worth all the while. It’s something unpredictable but in the end, it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.” - Good Riddance (Time of your Life) by Green Day

It’s funny how sometimes you thought of all you’ve gone through ,and you’ll then realize how in the world you have survived all of it. It is just unbelievable when in that very moment you felt you can’t make it and almost died out of it, but here you are, alive and kicking and still going.

There are endless efforts we are putting into things not knowing if there’ll be also something special waiting for us at the end of the rainbow. There are moments when we hesitate to do something because of the uncertainty of what it can become, but then again, we choose to believe and do so. Whatever may the result be, successful or a complete failure, exceptional bliss or an excruciating pain, it’s still we who are and were the cause of it all. It is and was our choice.

Choices are not always what’s right, it can be wrong sometimes, that’s why it is a gamble. It is unknown to the future but it is known to the heart. It is, for a lot of us, what we want than what we need. It may or may not matter how much time and energy you’ve given up for it. It is what you’ve actually felt when you’re fulfilling it that makes it worthwhile. We may have regrets at its aftermath, nevertheless it is what’s in between the manner of it that is of great value.

For what it’s worth, somehow, all choices are worth all the while.