Copyright © Everyday Essay

Gisingin ang diwa
Patulugin na ang luha
Humimlay sa ligaya
Bumangon sa pagkakadapa

Tayo’y mga dalaga’t binata
Panandaling nagkasama
Pero permante ating nadama
At minsa’y naging maligaya

By Candy Zinampan
07.27.2011

730 days ago,
we woke up with a warm cuddle and embrace.
we smiled at each other’s eyes
and kissed each other’s cheeks.
then threw “I love yous” all the way.

730 days ago,
we were both nineteen
and it was young and light
we were in our longest possible time
and it was just so unbelievably right

730 days ago,
a message came along
it was so sudden that I couldn’t been more suprise
when I read it all alone
I don’t know what to say
and I’m so afraid to let you know

730 days ago
that quiet ride on the train felt so cold
worries were rushing through me
and I knew that from that moment on,
you knew all along

730 days ago,
standing there by the water,
cold summer breeze,
evening lights,
and then your second goodbye

730 days ago,
I wept to sleep
I wished it was just a nightmare
as long as it was a dream
My eyes were opened, and it all stopped.

730 days of standing up,
staying right and flowing.
And 730 days of missing you
before that 730 days ago.

“For what it’s worth, I know it’s worth all the while. It’s something unpredictable but in the end, it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.” - Good Riddance (Time of your Life) by Green Day

It’s funny how sometimes you thought of all you’ve gone through ,and you’ll then realize how in the world you have survived all of it. It is just unbelievable when in that very moment you felt you can’t make it and almost died out of it, but here you are, alive and kicking and still going. 

There are endless efforts we are putting into things not knowing if there’ll be also something special waiting for us at the end of the rainbow. There are moments when we hesitate to do something because of the uncertainty of what it can become, but then again, we choose to believe and do so.  Whatever may the result be, successful or a complete failure, exceptional bliss or an excruciating pain, it’s still we who are and were the cause of it all. It is and was our choice. 

Choices are not always what’s right, it can be wrong sometimes, that’s why it is a gamble. It is unknown to the future but it is known to the heart. It is, for a lot of us, what we want than what we need. It may or may not matter how much time and energy you’ve given up for it. It is what you’ve actually felt when you’re fulfilling it that makes it worthwhile. We may have regrets at its aftermath, nevertheless it is what’s in between the manner of it that is of great value.

For what it’s worth, somehow, all choices are worth all the while.

“I saw in her expression that old, unshakable mountain of concern. And I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know”  - For One More Day, Mitch Albom

A belated happy birthday to my mom! She is celebrating her 54 years of life and 33 years of it were the greatest moments of being a wonderful mother to the seven of us.

We call her “Nanay”, sometimes we joke around calling her names like Mother Earth, Nanush, etc. (not to make fun of her) She is the greatest cook, there’s nobody who could beat her when it comes to lutong bahay. My all-time favorite is her Chicken Afritada. I always looked forward to every Sundays of the week just to have a taste of her superb dishes.

In our family, we’re quite close and have open communications with each other. Though oftentimes, there are moments when we have a cold war in the house because of some misunderstandings. There will be always arguments between the family members but more importantly, it’s a way (though not in a very nice way) of showing your concerns for each other. As for me, I do have a lot of those times, still at the end of the day, it’s still Nanay that I like to consult with about, as much as possible every move that I will do in my life. Because Mother’s knows best and everything she tells you is for your own good. This is proven and tested.

I remember before they used to call me my mother’s daughter because for the two reasons that I look like a photocopy of her and I am her so-called favorite (?). We’re not rich, we are just middle-class people who have enough income for their needs. Because parents are parents, my mother strive hard just to provide for us. And I can say, she is one of the smartest person I know for making her way through all these difficulties and problems in life. 

I just wanna dedicate this post to the most wonderful mom in the world.

Dear Nanay,

Happy Birthday! I, from the bottom of my heart, want to thank you for all, for everything. I am giving you my gratitude for giving life to me and for striving hard just to give me a college degree. I’ve seen you in all those tough times and because of that, I admire your courageousness. I know we have a lot of not-so-good times and I am all sorry for that. 

Thank you for the eyeglasses you bought me when I had my eye disorder and I’m sorry because I’ve broken it several times. Thank you for staying with me at home even though you’re already late for work just to be my side whenever I had my toothaches. Thank you for buying me the rubber shoes just to stopped me from crying. Thank you for all the cakes you bought me for my birthdays. Thank you for all the breakfast, snacks in-between breakfast and lunch, lunch, merienda, dinner and midnight snacks, and also for all the coins you gave me for the chichiryas. Thank you for all the graduation ceremonies and parent’s meeting you’ve attended to. 

I can’t list down all the things you’ve given and have done for me ‘cause it’s countless. I know I’m not that showy but I do appreciate all those things even the little ones that I can barely remember. Most of all, thank you for your undying support, understanding and unconditional love I have felt from you since the first day I was brought to life up to this very minute that I’m typing these words.

I love you nay. We love you. Always and forever. ♥

From your sleepy-head-lazy-ass-stubborn daughter,
Boyba

“You can’t say, ‘I can’t.’ You just say ‘I’m just having a hard time, I’m not done yet.’” - The Tree of Life (2011)

This line is such an inspiration to me. Whenever I’m getting frustrated at work and I couldn’t get things done right away, I am really doomed. With the kind of work that I have, one can’t say, “It can’t be done.” Yes, it can’t be done but there’s still another way to make it done. So the bottom line is, there is always a possible way in everything.

I am a half-empty, half-full person. Yes, I know, this can’t be. Well, I am. But with regards to working attitude, I am a full, even overflowing. I am currently working as a Systems Integration Engineer or in other words, a Computer Programmer. This kind of work is an achievement. I mean even the slightest and easiest task to be assigned to you and you completed it accurately, it really is a big fulfillment for yourself. Because it is not that easy. You have to do all the logical thinking and analysis, etc.

Today, I’m just happy because I have such supporting co-workers and bosses and our office has a nice working atmosphere (except for the observe silence thing! Hahaha!). It is quite a relief to have this kind of feeling and it makes you do your thing the best and the right way you can. 

And I just wanna give a special thanks to Ma’am Gail for giving me such a wonderful compliment and undying support (kahit na minsan toxic :P)

I love you Ma’am! :*

From the positive and confident,
Candy Z.

Sims, the best game in terms of customization. As far as many people know about this game, it’s like a dream come true.

In our Filipino culture, we have this household game that we call “Bahay-bahayan”. From the English translation itself, bahay means “house”. You and your playmates have this sort of “imaginary” house and you, yourselves role played the members of the household (Father, Mother, Son, Daughter and Baby). This is like playing Sims, the only difference is a computer game is virtual. So I call this pc game a “Virtual Bahay-bahayan.”

Right now, I am playing the Sims 2 with its complete Expansion Pack. When I said complete, it is really complete. The package contains university life, teen style stuff, seasons, business, fashion, glamour life, free time, family fun stuff, celebration stuff, bon voyage, pet life and apartment life. Yes, it’s like living your life completely.

For me, my Sim represents the person that I dream to be and my Sim’s life represents the life that I dream to have. I know almost all people out there, not just me, who play this game understand what I feel. From the structure of the house you want to live in to, to the type of guy you want to be married with. It’s all your wants. Plus the showcase of the basic necessity of every earthlings. 

Let’s just say that humans will never be really contented even though they have all. They still want more, even more. I am human, you are human, we are humans. I do have a lot of insecurities too. That’s why I try real harder. It’s my thing, trying.

My Sim is almost perfect. She has all the qualities, talents and everything. This is but a dream. In reality, there’s no perfect life and perfect man. Nevertheless, I am not pointing out here that a dream is impossible. In fact, it’s the only thing that makes an impossible into something possible. There’s not a thing in the world that can beat a feeling of having a life with goals and making it happen little by little. And there’s nothing more good than just simply breathing. 

I will never know, one day, I am living the Sims life. Let us be always hopeful and continue dreaming!

From the star dreamer,
Candy Z.

Last Saturday, I had my first climb with my fellow office mates at Daraitan, Tanay, Rizal. It was a blast!

As usual, I’m the very punctual among all. I arrived 1 hour later than the call time. (I need to practice a lot of punctuality). Our meeting place is at the jeepney terminal near Edsa Crossing, where the destination is to Tanay, Rizal.

Me and Miss Ariane going to Tanay.

When we arrived at the terminal, we stopped a while to have some lunch and buy foods for our camp.

Another interesting sign from the Philippines. #itsmorefuninthephilippines

Miss Weng, Miss Ariane, Sir Vince and Eds.

Goodies!

After a little shopping, we ride a jeepney going to the town of Daraitan. Because we’re new and not familiar faces, the natives talked to us about the “sort of” history of the town. It was very creepy. There were like warning or frightening us about the previous mountaineers that once climbed the mountains. It really pissed me off, that’s why I kept silent the whole time and just plugged my earphones for some good music. 

Those people have problems. They should be promoting their town ‘cause it is a very nice place and indeed, a tourist spot. But instead, they were creepily frightening the people with their no basis stories. 

As we arrived at the town, we headed immediately to the Barangay Hall for registration. Although, I’ve gone to some remote places before, I am still amazed with the simple living they have there. 

What really worries me is the so-called NPA (No People Army) residing in the mountains of Daraitan. Fortunately, there’s a military camp there which monitors the town 24/7. 

Because Sir Fox didn’t risk our safety, we decided to have our guide with us the whole journey to the campsite. And Kuya (I don’t his name, sareehh) was a very good help.

We had our first stop at this paradise-like river. The water is so clear and the rock formations are magnificent works of nature.

Then we continued our walk to the campsite. It was nearly evening when we started our trail so we should move a little faster. 

It was my first climb so I had no idea what is the difficulty level of this trail. But I think it was easy because there’s no very steep rocks to climb, except for the muddy land that we encountered when we were going down to the camp site.

At the middle of the trail, the sole of my sandals teared down. I had a hard time afterwards because of the mud. Luckily, my poor sandals had survived it until we finally arrived at the campsite.

We unpacked our bags and prepared for the night. Sir Fox and Sir August, who are experts on this, assembled our tents. While Sir Vince and the rest, prepared the food. We had liempo for adobo and had a few alcoholic drinks. (Sorry, our bad!)

We spend the whole night eating and talking. Sharing some fancy stories about each other and a lot more. Eds, Miss Ariane and I, the three of us went to sleep early because our call time is 6:00 AM the next morning.

It’s so nice to wake up in the morning breathing some fresh air. This is what I miss, I, who is a city girl all my life badly need this.

I woke up late but not so late. Haha. We had our noodles, hotdog, and bread breakfast courtesy of the cook Eds and Ariane. Afterwards, we took bathe at the cold water of the river near the camp.

San ka nakakita na ginawang beach ang bundok? Kami lang yun! Oha!

After taking a cold freezing bathe, we packed our bags and prepared for the trail down the mountain.

Ang mga donya sa kabundukan!

On our way back, the path we took last night was still muddy ‘cause it rained. So we had no choice but to remove our slippers and walked barefooted. 

We had a few stops for drinks, rest and most importantly, pictorials. Haha!

We stopped by the paradise-like river to take our “real” bathe. It’s just the three of us who do the shampoo and soap thing at the river. And it was real quick ‘cause we had to be at the barangay hall before 3:00 PM.

Luckily, we arrived before 3:00 AM and there was still a jeepney to take us to the terminal. 

It was almost 9:00 when I got home, and of course, I was very tired. 

It really was remarkable because it was my first and I considered it as a birthday gift. It was new to me and I thought I will not experience mountain climbing ever because of my asthma. But here I am, I succeeded on the thing that seems so impossible to me. Thank God! :)

A few first from it:

• I saw fireflies and lawin.
• I experienced a “real” camping trip. Too bad, the caretakers of the mountain didn’t want us to have a bonfire.

I think I’m more appreciative in nature now than before. I know, I’m no environmentalist but we, human beings have the obligation to take good care of our surroundings. We gained a high amount of benefits from it, so it is fair enough to return the favor.

Once in a while, it a nice experience to get away from the city and breathe some fresh air. Oh well, mountain climbing is not a joke and it is very tiring. But it’s good for our health. So why don’t give it a try? :)

Credits to Facundo Garcia, August Ferrer and Rowena Fajardo for the photos.

From the now nature-lover,
Candy Z.

Hi there! It’s been a while, I’ve been very busy (lazy) lately, so here’s a super late post about my special day.

Last week I celebrated my birthday. Nothing much special, no extravagant feast. Just another ordinary day. But I’m lucky to have awesome people in my circle of friends and family that made it extra ordinary.

My younger sister (@catyryn) gave me a birthday cake. It’s a chocolate heaven from Breadtalk. I love it ‘cause it tastes like nutella and ferrerro.

I spend almost the whole day at the office, but they made it extra special with greetings and a customized cake from my babes (@pitchypitchy & @messybutterfly).

Then the next morning, we went to Tanay, Rizal for our first climb at Daraitan (This is another post).

Now I’m 22, one year older (I can’t seem to think that I’m this old), I am thinking of a lot of things. What I mean is the long list of to-do things that “need” to be fulfilled. I’m trying to be more responsible with spending time and money. I guess I need to manage my time properly, so that I can do the things that I really, really wanna do. But here I am, being a lazy-ass kid again. It’s just the second month of the year, but I feel like it’s more than that because I’m not satisfied with my productivity level during the last few weeks. Anyway, there is still time left (if 2012 is not the end of the world), I don’t want to take it for granted though.

I don’t want to procrastinate anymore. I must put a mark in my every word. Promises are made to be broken, but the hell, this is just another famous quote and you always have the choice to live or not live with it. So for my own good, I’ll just have to live with the present, with my expectations (or not to expect at all), and forever enjoy every second of the moment.

Great Lord, I thank You for a plus one to my age and years here on earth. Thank You for the sunrise and sunset. :)

From the 22 years old lass, 
Candy Z.

“I am never less alone, than when I am alone”  - James Howell

Just as I am running through the meaning of the word “alone”, I came up with this statement in the internet: Alone emphasizes being apart from others but does not necessarily imply unhappiness.

Perhaps, this is true. Also, a lie the other way around.

I am a self-proclaimed loner ‘cause I’d prefer to be alone most of the time. I can stay at home for more than two to three days straight. Communicating with my virtual friend (monitor, keyboard, mouse), singing with my karaoke partner (speaker), and listening attentively to my full-time mentor (books). Even when I’m out of the house, I’d rather be alone. Lurking the streets and roaming around stores everywhere.

Oftentimes, people are asking me, “Hindi ka ba nalulungkot?”.And I answered, “Yes, I do. Sometimes.” But I guess I am just a rash human being to think that being alone brings the happiness that I can ever have. I don’t want to impose to myself that I am indeed alone. I am putting it this way, I am spending quality time with myself. (I know. This is such a defense mechanism. I don’t bother.)

And that’s why, I’m having a hard time dealing with relationship issues, or rather, commitments. Once, I sighted an astrology reading saying that Aquarians are afraid of commitments. At first, I disagree with it ‘cause I do want to have my companion too. Then eventually, I realized that it can be true. 

Yes, I’m afraid of losing myself by having the presence of someone. It’s not that I’m always getting away from someone who attempts to get “closer” to me. It’s just that I don’t feel free. 

So for the meantime, I’m really enjoying the wonderland I made up for myself. It’s good to be alone for a while, but it’s much better to have someone you can share your thoughts with. How contradicting, really. 

 P. S. Don’t get wrong people, I am a happy creature. But I tend to get depressed at times. It’s human nature anyway. :P

From the joyfully lonesome,
Candy Z.

Last year was so far the best year I ever had. Thank God! And then, there’s the gifts I have received.

Cute gifts from my generous officemates! 

The bag from my wishlist from Cathy! ♥

Kiko Machine Komix Blg. 5,6,7 from Sir Jeff! I’m so happy! ♥

I didn’t took pictures of the others but thank you very much to all the generous people who gave gifts. 

Most of all, thanks for everything dear Lord. :)

Signed: Candy Z.