Copyright © Everyday Essay

“I am never less alone, than when I am alone”  - James Howell

Just as I am running through the meaning of the word “alone”, I came up with this statement in the internet: Alone emphasizes being apart from others but does not necessarily imply unhappiness.

Perhaps, this is true. Also, a lie the other way around.

I am a self-proclaimed loner ‘cause I’d prefer to be alone most of the time. I can stay at home for more than two to three days straight. Communicating with my virtual friend (monitor, keyboard, mouse), singing with my karaoke partner (speaker), and listening attentively to my full-time mentor (books). Even when I’m out of the house, I’d rather be alone. Lurking the streets and roaming around stores everywhere.

Oftentimes, people are asking me, “Hindi ka ba nalulungkot?”.And I answered, “Yes, I do. Sometimes.” But I guess I am just a rash human being to think that being alone brings the happiness that I can ever have. I don’t want to impose to myself that I am indeed alone. I am putting it this way, I am spending quality time with myself. (I know. This is such a defense mechanism. I don’t bother.)

And that’s why, I’m having a hard time dealing with relationship issues, or rather, commitments. Once, I sighted an astrology reading saying that Aquarians are afraid of commitments. At first, I disagree with it ‘cause I do want to have my companion too. Then eventually, I realized that it can be true. 

Yes, I’m afraid of losing myself by having the presence of someone. It’s not that I’m always getting away from someone who attempts to get “closer” to me. It’s just that I don’t feel free. 

So for the meantime, I’m really enjoying the wonderland I made up for myself. It’s good to be alone for a while, but it’s much better to have someone you can share your thoughts with. How contradicting, really. 

 P. S. Don’t get wrong people, I am a happy creature. But I tend to get depressed at times. It’s human nature anyway. :P

From the joyfully lonesome,
Candy Z.